even the stars burn
by boasamishipper
Summary: Rey never dreamed that she would have her first kiss with Finn while he is dying in her arms. [Finn/Rey] Written prior to The Force Awakens.


_A/N: This was written prior to The Force Awakens, which means that by now it should definitely be considered AU. In case it isn't clear, I own nothing._

* * *

Rey screams, certain that her heart has been ripped into shreds as she sees Kylo Ren's red blade swing around and burn through Finn's stomach, sliding out through his back. Finn's eyes cross from the pain and his usual sharp grin contorts into a grimace as he collapses to his knees, slumping forward to the ground in what seems like slow motion. His wound is already cauterized; only a charred, bloody mark remains on his dark shirt. His jacket is ruined, she notes, the blood pounding in her ears so loud that she's sure that everyone around her can hear it. Her mind is swirling from incomprehension. How can it be that she'd just watched her best friend get cut down right in front of her?

Anger, hot and thick, swells within her very soul, and she rushes forward with her lightsaber in hand. Before Kylo Ren can turn around and strike her down, she slices him in half from behind, taking a horrifying pleasure from it as she looks down at her grisly handiwork. She's tempted to keep stabbing the bastard's corpse but a muffled groan from behind her brings her back to the present.

"Finn." His name tumbles out of her mouth before she can stop herself as she tosses her lightsaber sideways and falls to her knees at his side. "Oh, Force, Finn."

Finn lies folded in on himself. His muscles are rigid, as taut as ropes, and his breaths are coming in short, sporadic pants as though he's just run from one side of Jakku to another. His face is a mask of thinly-concealed pain, and tears have gathered at his eyes. The stench of burnt clothing mingled with blood and charred flesh nearly makes her vomit, but she has to stay strong. If not for her sake, then Finn's.

Despite the enormous pain that he must be feeling, he still smiles at her. "Hey," he says casually, as though they've just run into each other in a cantina. As though he hasn't just been impaled by a lightsaber. As though he isn't—

No. She won't think it. If she won't think it it won't happen.

Still, she can't stop the tears that pool in her eyes as she clasps his hand in hers. "Hey," she replies, nearly choking on the lump in her throat. "You're going to be fine, Finn." Trying desperately to recall the first aid that she knows, Rey tears off part of her tunic and presses it to Finn's wound, eliciting a pained gasp from her best friend. She braves a smile, even if it's small. "Just stay with me, alright?"

Finn shakes his head. His words come out slowly, through clenched teeth. "P-punctured…lung, Rey. I'm n—I'm not…"

"Don't talk like that," she snaps, pushing harder on his wound as though she could keep Finn alive by willing it to be so. "We're together now, everything's going to be fine now, you'll see. You just have to stay with me."

Finn nods and Rey nods too. She just has to keep holding pressure, that's all. She can do it. She can do it. She has to do it because if she doesn't then Finn will die and that's not an option. That has never been an option.

"Rey." His voice is slow and stilted, like speaking has become a massive effort for him. Still, he's responding. That must be something. Shaking with effort, he clasps her hand in his. Their eyes meet, and she knows. She knows that no matter how much Finn is trying, some things in the universe just can't be unwritten. This is how it will end. "I lo—" His voice cuts off as he gasps for breath, finally managing to choke out, "I l-love you."

"I love you too." And it's true, one of the truest things that she has or ever will say. She loves Finn. She _loves_ him. She…she doesn't want him to leave.

Tears trickle down her cheeks and onto Finn's face as she leans forward, cupping his face in her hands and pressing her lips to his. He tastes like blood and ash and sweat, but despite the heavy stench of death around them Finn still smells faintly of sand and smoke and his signature aftershave. He smells of home.

She's crying, and he's crying, and when she pulls back he's still there, smiling up at her as though she hung the stars and the moon. She turns her face into his hand and clasps it with both of her own, feeling his touch, coarse and rough, closing her eyes and begging to the Force that Finn would be alright and—

His hand falls limp against her cheek.

Rey opens her eyes immediately, horrorstruck. "Finn?" A numbing, fearful cold spreads through her body as Finn doesn't reply. His eyes are open and he looks as though he's merely resting, but his chest is no longer rising and falling and…

She grabs his shirt, trying to shake him awake but she can't make him wake up, he has to wake up—"Please," she begs. "Please, Finn, don't leave me, please, you p-promised you wouldn't leave me, please, Finn—Finn!"

Her heart isn't working and nothing makes sense because Finn isn't—he isn't—she can't breathe, she doesn't want to breathe, he can have every last breath in her lungs if he just _wakes up_ —

A sob wracks her body and she collapses onto his chest, begging him to come back. She tries listening for his heartbeat but finds nothing there but silence and stillness. "Please, Finn," she whispers, her tears soaking his shirt. Her voice is shaking, she is shaking. "Please don't leave me."

She feels as though she is drowning in the darkness of Finn's empty eyes.

Finn is dead, and there's nothing she can do about. She's alone again, just like she had been before the start of this wild adventure. She's going to be alone again now, forever.

"Rey?" Startled, she looks up to see Han kneeling in front of her. How long has he been there? "Rey, are you alright?"

She doesn't move. Correction, she _can't_ move. She wonders how she's been able to breathe for the last few months because it feels as though she has a huge, gaping hole in her chest. _Just like Finn_ , she thinks.

"He's _dead_." Her voice comes out as a strangled gasp. "Oh, Force, he's _dead_."

Han opens his arms slightly and she launches herself at him, burying her face in his shoulder. "He can't be dead, Han, he _can't_." Tears stream from her eyes and soak into Han's shoulder. Never again will she hear Finn laugh. Never again will she listen to Finn tell one of his stories. Never again will she feel Finn's lips on hers. Never again will she be on the receiving end of Finn's hugs.

Never again will she love someone as much as she'd loved Finn.

She feels weak and lets out another sob, burying her forehead deeper into Han's shoulder. She wants to stay in his arms forever because she doesn't want to face this new world without her best friend. She doesn't want to carry on without Finn.

She doesn't want to carry on alone.


End file.
